I'm angry that you're gone....

Bismillah-hirrahmanirrahim....(blessings to beautiful soul: late pbrother, Hj Abdul Latiff - Al-Fatehah)

Hey it's my online diary, let me write whatever ways I want. Don't judge me, if you don't know me better, coz you never will!

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Missing all the good times we have.....the parties and jiggin' and jumping at one club to another clubs....usually got in for free! wow...is it connections, no...the bouncer sometimes just love us, well maybe know you and all. Eating late fine dine at night...at all those fancy restaurants along hot spots in lovely Melbourne.

I hate it you're gone! They said those life we used to have is not heaven sent....but we do nothing much, only meet up with friends, dance , and laughs....well, of course there are tipsy stuffs....not that I drink those. But I miss those happy real life !!!  

Lonely seasons since you're gone~ and now, I'm beginning to feel I'll never end up getting married. Well, at this age....after all those gone through seeing passing by........how can I find a better man that is much better than you, once I called you my brother! Yes, I'm angry that you had to go so soon! Coz you have lots of beautiful nice part of your soul....kind hearted and well, you took a good care of us. 

We had so much of our good times of heaven on earth time! We played those cool games, the pool place is like almost our second home. That so called Melbourne's Beverly Hills Street......would have look so much different now.....but the good times we had, nothing can replace those magical feelings we once shared! 

I'm just so lucky to have met and know all of you then. Apart those tears and jerking times, but a lot of good times we did have. You never jerk on me! I pray that your beautiful soul do have a place in heaven.....well, it's been so many years that you've left us......and it is a much longer time to wait til the end of the time to come. I pray that you have a comfortable new home with HIM up there while waiting and a safe happy sleep. I pray that your soul is among those loving soul that God loves and accept, for he is the most understanding and loving of course forgiving. 

Gone too soon with one of your hot cars, ferrari back then..........wished things were different, you don't feel so pissed off with everything that happened with family and of course her, your love one. My used to be dear friend. Dear brother, how can I ever find a guy who can give it all to me, more than you did....who is balance and better than you would want him to be for me right.....

I can't....find just that kind of man.............................all I was only experimenting touch and go flings.......yes, turned out to be almost playgirl after broken heart. Not that I was really wanting back the past, but couldn't seem to find 'the fit that type of guy'.

Anyways, time flies.......flies so fast no matter you are having fun or toning down your life towards super religious side. Perfectly strange to like focus on that only. Since what I used to have was a perfect balance life..................well, not in this time. Can't blame me right. I was more heading towards creme brulee rather than some traditional dish. Anyways, they might say what we like is wrong. As for me as long we know how to take care of ourselves, not lieying, taking advantage, betrayal, cheating, hurting others are much better off to perfectly party with friends. 

If only if I ever end up getting married.................well, after missing out on my prince charming at a much younger age...................due to major technical problem caused by him............so, I'm gonna name my daughter, most probably Ariana.....after her! So maybe my daughter will be so energetic and a singer who knows. Yes, one of the dancing queen who will be growing up with balance life. Depends on where she'll be raised up. lol. But I won't take away that sparkles and happiness in her life~~~~~~~and I will let her choose and decide on her freedom and life. Meaning, with all good Islamic foundations.....but looks like this won't be acceptable if she is raised here. Oh well....let life decides..after all, once was a cheerleader kinda lady!!! 

For the record, learning to forgive the person who hurt and betrayed you is more easier than the ones who pretend to be nice around you. It's like, wtf........but yes, gotta deal with it. 

Dear brother, I pray that you be among the people of Heavens, inshaAllah, Aameen.